A Honeymooner's Guide to Jamaica

From December 12-21, Ryan and I got to experience the beautiful country of Jamaica to celebrate our honeymoon and the beginning of our lives as married people. We, along with what seems like the entire population of Canada (no exaggeration, probably 80% of our fellow tourists were Canadian), ate food, drank drinks and relaxed as much as humanly possible.


I thought I'd share a little guide for having a successfully indulgent honeymoon in case any of you would ever like to enjoy a trip to balmy, beautiful Jamaica:


1) Indulge in the many buffets, restaurants and cafeterias. All of it. Several times a day, even at times that are not mealtimes. Just eat. This is particularly true if you have room service included in your all-inclusive trip!





(Note: all of the food is fresh and handmade without preservatives or processing, so calories don't count!)


2) Do ponder the many mysteries of travel in a foreign country. What is this flushing system? How do you work it? Full egg = #1, half egg = #2? Vice Versa? (I opted for a button-mashing technique and hit them both at once.)

What is the difference between Diet Coke and Coca Cola Light? Does anybody know? 

3) Enjoy the beautiful, clean beach. Even when it's cloudy. Because the clouds move so fast, the sun will be back in less than 5 minutes!

  

4) Buy souvenirs from the locals, not solely from the resort. Jamaican coffee is excellent and so are colorful honeymoon dresses! Go off resort property and haggle with locals. Don't give her the $20 she quotes you, tell her you'll give her $15. But don't be a stingy jerk, because these people make souvenirs by hand and make a living off selling them on the beach.

And never, ever be rude. You're in this country to enjoy its people and its culture, so when someone wants to thrust ganja into your hand (which will happen very often in Jamaica), you don't need to freak out. You politely say "no thank you!", shake their hand, and they will assuredly tell you, "No problem, mon" and to enjoy the rest of your vacation.

5) Enjoy the infinity pool! And the swim up bar! Unless you're like me, and the swim up bar rendered you stupid the first night of your trip. In which case, sit poolside and watch your husband have some Red Stripes.

6) Speaking of Red Stripe, DRINK! If your resort is all-inclusive like ours, get your hands on every single fruity, coconutty beverage you can handle. Red Stripe is the national beer in Jamaica and can be found on tap everywhere. There are pretty girls in cute outfits wandering around the beach all day replacing your drink before you've hardly made it halfway through!

7) Enjoy the entertainment! Do the cardio class on the beach! Play beach volleyball! Go see shows in the theatre! Visit the disco and get all sweaty with tourists and locals!

One afternoon, there was a live steel drum band on the beach just because. 

Brave the theatre shows! My tip: come in just after the show begins as to avoid being "volunticipated" to participate by the entertainers. If you participate in these events, there's approximately a 98% chance you'll be asked to shake your booty for the audience. 

The disco next door comes highly recommended, unless you have a seizure disorder, in which case I would not advise looking directly into the strobe lights.

8) Have a balcony photoshoot. This requires no explanation.

Most importantly, though?

9) Enjoy your new husband :)

(We stayed here and we would highly recommend it.)